In an earlier blog post, I shared that my children have coined a new word in our house.  The word is "framily" and it stands for friends that are more like family than friends.  Our "framily" consists of people that are closer than some of our actual family members.  

One of the cool things about friends is that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family.   You control who becomes your "framily" and the folks that make up your "framily" network circle of support.  Sometimes, the people in your friendship/framily circle of support will feel more like family than your biological family does.    And that's okay and normal.  So when you're shopping for friends, you want to make sure that you don't fill your shopping cart with rotten fruit!

 
In my series, the girls are bound together because they're classmates.  But too often girls who attend the same school often find themselves in with a "bad or wrong" crowd.  The Black Diamond Series' girls serve as a sounding board for each other.   It's a friendship bond that most adults would grant a stamp of approval.    Even though they have conflicts and sometimes rubber stamp some of the silly teen stuff that all teens rubber stamp;  on weightier issues, the girls serve as accountability partners, telling each other to pump their brakes when necessary and knowing to involve an adult when a friend's behavior is self destructive or out of bounds.  

In order to attract good friends, you have to be a good friend.  And I think you learn to be a good friend as soon as you are old enough to maintain and sustain lasting relationships.  In the Bible, we are told to model the fruit of the spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self control.  I think being a good friend requires a similar formula. 

You don't become a good friend by accident.  And it's impossible to sustain good friendships accidentally.   A friendship is a living/breathing entity that must be loved, nurtured and fed.  The friendship recipe is a blend of different ingredients all rolled into one. Sometimes one quality will outweigh another, but in the end, they're all there, and they're all important.  

Like Spongebob and Patrick, some friendships may appear odd to the external world, but when you delve into the core of why the friendship thrives, there is usually a good stock or base that gels everything together.   If you're from the Louisiana area like my ancestral family, then you know that gumbo is the staple soup of the area.  And in gumbo, the stock or base is called the roux.  In gumbo and friendship, it's all about the roux.  If you don't get the roux right, your gumbo won't be good.  In friendship, if you don't have a strong base, the friendship won't taste right.   In fact, it could be toxic and make you sick.

 
If I were writing a recipe for friendship roux, the following are the key ingredients that I would stir in:  compassion, commitment, forgiveness, honesty, humor, love, loyalty, patience, respect, trust and a dash or two of fun & wit to spice things up!    No one wants to be friends with someone who's boring!  So if you're struggling to make friends or maintain lasting friendship bonds, find out which of these ingredients is missing and add it to your friendship gumbo pot!   

Feel free to comment on why I chose these 10 ingredients.  I'd love to share my secret recipe.  What's your recipe for a strong friendship roux?