I am now officially the mother of a teenager.  To celebrate this milestone, we made a special trip to Sephora for her first make-up application lesson.  As a former model, I could have easily shown my daughter how to apply her make-up, but thought it wise to bookmark this rite of passage by having professionals demonstrate proper technique.

I limited the application lesson to blush, mascara and eye liner.  At thirteen, her skin is still blemish free and evenly toned.  We both pray it stays that way.  After the make-up lesson, she smiled in modest delight.  While walking through the mall, I caught her admiring her reflection in mirror after mirror.  I smiled as I was able to relive the newness and excitement of wearing make-up for the first time through my daughter's eyes.  "I feel pretty," she squealed.  I was pleased that she was excited about wearing make-up, but sad that it took wearing make-up to make her feel pretty.  She was pretty before the make-up application.  Didn't she know that?  I knew the source of the comment.

Our teen has thick shoulder length hair, a perfectly proportioned nose, and beautiful almond shaped eyes that are crowned with black, thick eyebrows that resemble Brooke Shields' trademark.  Her eyebrows are her nemesis.  My daughter hates them and has been trying to get them waxed into oblivion since she was in second grade.  I remember picking her up from school one day where she burst into tears before she'd fastened her seat belt.  "Joey teased me about my eyebrows again!  And he also said that I have a mustache!  I can't take it, Mom!  Please let me get them fixed!" At seven, she didn't have the proper vocabulary to say waxed or tweezed.  She wanted them fixed.

Her dad and I had coached her about inner beauty and outer beauty as soon as a classmate highlighted her beautiful eyebrows (that slightly connected in a uni-brow) as a thing of wonder and ridicule.  "Your eyebrows are beautiful!  I wish my eyebrows were as thick and luscious as yours!"  I insisted truthfully.  I did.  When I put on my face, I add thickness to my eyebrows.  She didn't buy it.   I needed to use a lifeline.  I phoned a friend.  In the car, I called my dear friend Estella whose daughter also has thick eyebrows.  I shared the teasing story.  "If she's being teased like that, it's time to get them cleaned up.  That's what I did with my daughter."  Estella told me where to go.  Thankfully, the salon had an appointment that day.  

I supervised the process like a surgeon, concerned that the girl would wax her eyebrows too thin.  She didn't.  As Estella assured me, the technician had several young girls as clients and understood the teasing about unwanted facial hair.  As I watched the hot wax being applied to my child's delicate face, I wanted my daughter to go to the school and pinch Joey in the arm or give him an Indian burn for making her a slave to the beauty industry at seven.  But I knew that as long as she was sensitive about the unwanted facial hair, there would be more Joeys.  She didn't tear or wince as the wax was ripped from her little face.  As she gazed into the mirror, she smiled, pleased with the outcome.  Her eyebrows were still thick, but were now no longer connected in a slight uni-brow and were trimmed neatly.  And the hair above her lip was gone.  She was happy, so I was happy.    

I used the gist of this experience as the basis of a teasing flashback episode that occurs with Grace in the Black Diamond Series.  In my books, the girls try to focus on all that is good and not dwell on the flaws.  It's a gradual work in progress that cements their friendship bond.  It's a sad reality that one criticism can erase fifty compliments.  One negative comment made by an insignificant pre-pubescent boy can stay with a girl well into adulthood.  Sadly, women carry this into adulthood.  We focus on one imperfection instead of celebrating all that is right with our physiques or faces, when we know that beauty is a relative trait.  I haven't seen Jessica Simpson's show where she travels around the world to highlight how beauty is valued in different cultures, but I applaud the network for airing such an important show and the message of diversity that it carries.  

Teen girls shouldn't use foundation to conceal or mask their self worth.  Make-up is an accessory that should be used sparingly like salt.  Apply too much and the main dish is altered beyond recognition.  Like your taste buds that will crave more unhealthy salt, your face will pant for more foundation.  When you cater to the craving, the special-ness of wearing make-up becomes diluted.  Don't allow your feeling of self-worth or beauty to be attached to the make-up bag in your purse.  When that happens, the make-up is ruling.  

We established make-up rules for our daughter.  The make-up can only be worn for special occasions and not to school.  She has a lifetime to wear make-up, so we will allow her to wear it daily beginning in high school.  She was not pleased with the make-up rules.  I know that her self esteem and her pours will thank me later.  Like all girls, I want my daughter to celebrate her unique beauty.  Girls should feel pretty without make-up and even prettier with make-up.  Those are our make-up rules.  Do you have any make-up rules to share?