How to Tranquilize and Tag a Prince - Original Post Date April, 2011

On a hot day in the middle of summer, I remember setting my alarm so that I could awaken at dawn to view the Royal Wedding of Lady Diana Spencer and Prince Charles.  Sleeping bag and pillow in hand, I watched with glee as her long train trailed down the aisle, wondering if I were the only one of my friends who had awakened to witness the event live.  I found out later that I was. When my friends learned of my early wake up time, they thought I was barmy. I had never really been a devout fairy tale girl, but I fancied the notion of witnessing a royal wedding. I recall wondering why the wedding was taking place on a Wednesday when most weddings in the United States occurred on Saturday.  I tried to research this, but the answers that surfaced were a bit dodgy at best. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I should warn you that in celebration of Prince Williams and Princess Katherine’s royal wedding, I will be interspersing common British sayings into my blog.

Years wiser, I decided to awaken naturally for today’s royal nuptials.  I knew the task would be easily managed now that my internal alarm clock is as reliable as a bladdered Cubs fan after extra innings.  At five am, I decided to turn on the television and set the DVR. I hit the appropriate buttons now dummied down to include idiot proof symbols and pictures. Blimey! There before me stood the soon to be princess outside of Westminster Abbey having her train adjusted before her grand entrance.  They had me at the dress, which looked like it cost a bomb! I nestled into the bloody sofa, smiling softly and wondering if it were too early to make popcorn since we were fresh out of crumpets and scones.

I watched Prince Harry being cheeky at the altar as Princess Katherine made her way to her man, wondering if Prince Harry will miss his mate now that he’s wed.  So enthralled with the festivities was I, that my children were almost late for school. Thousands and thousands of people lined the streets of London for a glimpse at the royal couple.  This got me thinking, not that I ever stop thinking mind you, but I pondered this: Where will all of those people go if they need to spend a penny? I didn’t see any port-a-potties lining the streets.  And why are we so moved by the royals and the notion of princes and princesses?

One of the things that’s most fascinating about Princess Katherine and Prince William’s union is that their relationship was played out on the media stage.  Most of us remember their temporary break up and the “Waity Katie” nickname that the tabloids assigned her when it appeared that Prince William was stringing her along like a kite.  Some reports suggest that she backed away from the relationship when the reality of getting involved with a member of the royal family really set in. The pressure to produce heirs, the paparazzi recording your every step, I mean, any beautiful, size two stunner would leg it!  Who would willingly sign up for that madness? But as you learn with wisdom, the heart wants what it wants, so after a brief separation, William and Kate reunited apparently stronger than ever.

The way that Kate handled the fishbowl pressures of dating a prince is best practice worthy.  She should write a book. But since she hasn’t, I’ve summarized a few common sense tips so that you can learn how to tranquilize and tag your own prince, or princess for my male readers.  Don’t get pissed at the pub, and try not to do porridge. Kissing behind a six inch plate of glass is no way to start a life together. If you’re having a knees up with your mates, don’t be the girl in the middle of the juke circle.   Don’t be a slapper, and definitely don’t make pavement pizza. In essence, put a lot more Kate Middleton in your how to handbook, and minimize the Hannah Montana, Lindsay Lohan and Nikki Minaj maneuvers. If you choose to model these famous young celebrities, it’s horses for courses I suppose, but don’t be surprised when you don’t receive an invite home to meet the Queen, Big Mama or even Mudear.

The girls in the Black Diamond Series get this.  They are Kate girls. They have a good time, but they also know when to foldem and when to holdem.  They know their worth with boys and know when it’s time to back away, drop ten yards and punt. This adage plays true whether you’re in your teens or a multiple of that number.    

As Princess Katherine will now attest, you can have a jolly good time and still end up with the tiara.  I guarantee you that Princess Katherine knows how to have a good time. Surely no one really believes that after the couple hosts tonight’s knees up at Buckingham Palace this will be the first “how’s your father?” or rumpy pumpy that they exchange.  My bet is that the queen will retire to one of her other palaces, don her royal doo rag and mouthguard and as sure as Bob’s your uncle, Kate and William will host a jolly good time. Cheerio!